This was the first in this summer's series of Dancing in the Streets, as part of the Auckland City Council's Music in Parks scheme to distract the public from whatever evil they're up to by providing free music to the people. It started at about 19:00, which was about the time I hit the road on the start of my mission.
First a little blast up the North-Western Motorway to pick up MC slypussy of Anti-Kati. As he opened the door we noticed a piece of paper on the ground. It was addressed to one of his teenage sisters, and so of course we opened it. It was from some guy who was giving her the address of some party the next night. We were a little disappointed that it was something so uninteresting, but then again, his sisters are pretty straight. I then went upstairs and delighted his mother with my startling body, which I was showing off with a very tight, very cropped, red mesh top: essential clothing for the evening of mindless house music we had planned.
Finally the MC was ready, and we climbed into the car and headed downtown. It being Friday night, and downtown being what it is, we ended up parking over some driveway outside the plush apartment that k5k (the other half of Anti-Kati) stays at due to his going out with a model. We went upstairs and I spent the whole time looking out the window to see if my car was going to get towed. A police car went down the alley, but then it disappeared out the other end. But then a few minutes later they were back on foot, and so I went to move my car. I turned out of course that my paranoia was unjustified, but I think it hurried the destructive duo out of the house and into the car.
We then took off to Albert Park, where we had a little smoke, and then we parted ways as K5K took off to go to some exclusive fashion-show that his girlfriend was in, on the 36th floor of Metropolis, one of the city's fanciest hotels. When we were outside the building MC slypussy saw Caroline Ryan from TV3 news, who he thinks is sexy, which was quite amazing when you consider how much celebrities hide in this small country.
We rang up our friend Edward Denton and told him we were waiting for him if he wanted to come into town to dance with us, and then ended up walking up Queen Street to get Beresford Square. We went through Myers Park.
Herr Denton had managed to beat us there, and we found him easily, even though the little square was packed with people. I guess it was because he was the only one wearing a large black DHR hoody. We took him down a back-alley by the fire station, and were about to hand him the goods when the sounds of radio-voices erupted from around the corner. We thought perhaps it was the police, but of course it was just the fire station. And then someone said "Are you alright there?". We told him we were, and the large, good-looking blond guy asked us what we were doing tonight. We told him we were just going to the rave. Then the MC had a stroke of genius: "Are you a fireman?". It turned out that the guy who looked the stereotype of a fireman was indeed a fireman. "So how is that then?". He left us alone after that, and soon we headed to the dancefloor.
We arrived for the end of DJ Amanda's set. Then some guy got up on stage and thanked us all for being there, and thanked the Council for sponsoring it, which brought cheers, and thanked bFM for sponsoring it, which brought cheers. And then he thanked Starbucks for sponsoring it (they had a large presence there) , which led to one of those cheers which faded away as quickly as it started, as people realised they weren't supposed to be cheering at all.
And then Kog Transmissions took the stage. The DJ was a thin, tall guy with glasses and a ponytail dressed in very plain clothes. It's funny that the guy behind NZ's biggest electronic music success story probably wouldn't be "cool" enough to hang out with these elitist house fans (although maybe I'm being too hard on these well-dressed, well-groomed young Aucklanders: maybe they're not that shallow).
We moved down to the left hand front of the stage, and started dancing. Some people came out on stilts to entertain the crowd. They were silver and very tall. The music was OK, but not really pumping. We moved around behind the stage (a truck), and almost immediately a security guard told us to scram, like we were some kind of trouble-makers who were loitering and looking to make trouble. I looked around and there was nothing to steal and no equipment we could interfere with. It was puzzling. So we moved back to the front of the stage.
This time we were on the right hand side, a little bit back from the stage. We pushed our way into the heaving mass, and ended up by the people who seemed to be having the best time. That is to say, the people who went "Wooooooooooo!!!!" the loudest every time the beat cut away for an "atmospheric" bit of the music (which was often). MC slypussy used these quiet parts to yell "Brains!" I think it may have confused a few people. A song came on with cheesey samples, something like "This is security. We have a breach in sector six", and I almost made the MC fall over laughing by yelling "He's got a gun!". No one else around us seemed particularly worried about this, but I think that's because everyone was "in their own little world".
The music was uninspiring, and we were thirsty, so we went looking for some water. There was a dairy open on K' Road with water. MC slypussy treated us to it and then we headed back.
We ended up back down the left hand front of the stage. Kog's set was coming to an end, and it was quite pumping. Some people came out on stilts with flaming fingers and danced around with some people with fire-pois. It's amazing no one was hurt as they barged out and started waving fire around - the crowd down the front had to all step back smartly, which of course left me in a crush.
I took this opportunity to go and talk with Herr Denton and MC slypussy, who had retreated off the dancefloor and were watching the proceedings with interest. It was at this juncture that the MC pointed out to me a young man who was taking photos of the DJ and of the people playing with fire and the crowd and so on. I recognised him as the young man who was taking photos of the World Trade Bank protest I had been at. MC slypussy told me that this young man was actually an old acquaintance of ours named Rhys. I was surprised by this because I did not know that Rhys was a photographer: in fact I thought he was a dry-cleaner, but it was indeed him. I found it very amusing that we would suddenly cross paths again in this way, because the only contact we've had with him for the last few years is sending anonymous humourous text-messages to his cellphone from the internet.
I chuckled for a while as we remembered stories about Rhys, and then the fire-dancers looked like they were going to finally stop, and I headed back to the edge of the circle around them. They left, and the crowd raced into the space that this created. I stood my ground, and the music flowed on, really pumping now as there was only about 15 minutes left, and suddenly I realise that a girl dancing just in front of me has taken her top off and is waving her breasts about madly. It takes me a few seconds to get my head around this, and then I hear behind me a male voice saying "What a slut". I turn to look at the person who would make such a ridiculous comment, and my head spins as I realise that all of a sudden I have been surrounded by a crowd of large, drooling males; all eyes on the topless girl.
The music stopped, and the announcer was back on the stage to thank everyone again. Kog got a big cheer, as did bFM and the council. When he mentioned Starbucks there was an absence of applause, and so I yelled out "Yay!! Starbucks!!", causing confused looks from the people around me. And that was the end of that.
We headed off through Myers Park, not knowing what to do next, so we took Herr Denton to where he was parked and then me and MC slypussy took off towards my home. On the way we decided to stop at supermarket and buy a whole bunch of mixed lollies, and then we continued on our journey.
But when we got there, Rorn was asleep, so we decided to continue on to Western Springs, where we played on the playground. There was a strange guy there who I think was either drunk or a little crazy. He came riding up on a bicycle and looked at the toilets, then he rode away again. He was back again five minutes later, and we talked to him for a while. He offered to push us on this crazy swing-type thing, but we declined. As we swung on the regular swings and ate the candy, we rapidly became sick from too many soft jubes.
We decided to head back to MC slypussy's house, and that's how I found myself at three in the morning, listening to Atari Teenage Riot; a sudden realisation that I'd been talking shit to the MC for quite a while and wondering if he wanted to sleep with me. I decided to head back home to bed.
The next morning I sent Rhys another anonymous text message, reading "I saw you taking photos of that topless chick at the rave last night". It's stupid, I know, but it makes me laugh.
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5 years ago
