UNITY FEST: The Mufflers, Graveyard Rumble, The Fleabitten Tramps @ Misfit Theatre, Auckland

I rocked up before the bands started playing, I think, unless some played before I arrived. Anyway, I went inside and grabbed all the free 'zines that I could, and then cruised round the back to the courtyard where the bands were playing.

Sammy Vulture and Lenny Sparkles from the Fleabitten Tramps were very happy to see me, and very disappointed that Adam from If I Had a Gun wanted to charge me the $4 to get in. Not as disappointed as me, seeing as it was all the money I had to my name. Miguel Sanchez, Lenny's fabulous chihuahua, was the most happy to see me of all, but then it started to rain and he had to get put away in a car.

The first band started playing in the rain, as the event organisers hastily found stuff to cover the amps and mics. I'm not sure which band it was, but they were good,,, Luckily the rain soon cleared up, and the sun came out and it got kinda hot.

Lenny blagged some money and we headed down to the supermarket to buy her some more beer. As we counted out $7 in silver coins, the check-out lady said "Why don't you go to a bank?" -- suggesting that we should have gone to a bank during the week and changed our coins into "real" money. What a bitch. Lenny's a busker, it's all she has.

When we came back the other band was playing. They sounded kinda the same, only with female vocals. Good still; rockin'.

Finally came the main event, the Fleabitten Tramps, headlining, in what was only their third or fourth gig. First the drawing of the raffle, to see who won a six-pack of beer and getting their name written across Lenny's chest in masking tape. Bob, star of Bozzee 'zine # 2 won, and Sammy taped Lenny up.

Then everyone assumed their positions: organ, drums, vocals, guitar, violin and banjo. I pressed record on the video camera and the gig was underway. I knew all the songs from endless hours of listening to Lenny practise banjo, but now they were a lot more groovey. It was hillbilly-riffic, if you know what I mean. People left though, guess it wasn't Punk Rock enough for them.

After they'd finished playing a little boy named Jack showed Lenny and Sammy his penis, and I guess you couldn't really get a better compliment.

WHACK & BITE: Deadman, Anti-Kati, Audioslut, Marq Bizarre, Males Kort @ Paradise Bar, Auckland; 6 december

Well, the lovely Zip was in town for a week, because he had to leave Australia and re-enter for his visa requirements. So k5k decided to organise a gig. The organising went really well: as far as this gig went it was the best promoted and most talked about gig yet,,,, and yet, it seems everyone must have gone to see Robbie Williams instead. The crowd was small, and town seemed to be very dead, even though the weather was very nice.

Anyways, Paradise Bar is a lovely venue, and had a decent sound system, so I was looking forward to playing. k5k bought me a couple of beers and I was in a party mood. I opted to go first, I was so excited 'cos I hadn't DJ'd in months. I musta started around 22:00, and was only playing to the handful of people who'd showed up. But damn, I didn't care. I fucked shit up, played all the great new stuff that's been released on my label since I last played,,, the recording of it still fucked out though, so I still have nothing to show for all the times I've played. Afterwards Zip said that it was crazy, that it fucked with his head, and that was the best compliment I could have hoped for.

Marq followed straight after me, and I took this time to talk to some people, both in the bar and across the road at the K'Road Ballroom where Johnny Christ were playing. I was hoping some of them would come over, but it looked like the Punk-Rock was gonna go pretty late too.

I came back, k5k told me that Hakaider wasn't gonna be playing 'cos he'd just spent all afternoon getting tattooed, that kinda explained why he spent the whole time standing outside leaning on the balcony. That ruled out Bloodbox playing too, anyway Splash said he was too busy. DJ Drugpusher never showed up either; we'd never met him, but it's perhaps unlikely he'll get on an A-Klass party bill again soon.

k5k played next, a live Anti-Kati set,,, I got bored,,, maybe I was just getting sober ,,, I went to the back room and tried to have a nap, but as you can imagine it was kinda impossible. I started dancing instead, and the exercise woke me up,,, I knew the songs, so it was fun,,,,

Audioslut turned up just in time, k5k was just finishing,,,, he played a short but brutal set,,, I guess that was about the time I really started to wish I'd remembered my earplugs. A whole lotta really strange-looking people turned up,,, kinda looking like those nu-indie types, so probably students or something. They went into closed back room,,, it wasn't until one of them opened the door and drunken Bon Jovi blared out that I realised they were all doing kareoke,,,, it was funny watching the looks on their faces every time they ventured out to the bar or the toilets, especially when the next act took his place in the DJ booth.

Zip was playing a live Deadman set, off his laptop. And it was loud, brutal, pounding Hardcore violence, which I guess Core-tex Labs are famed for. He's played to 10,000 people before, but tonight it was just about seven. But I danced up a storm, and so did Koil, and even some random person off the street, who looked really drunk. It was fantastic. It was at about this point that a familiar situation occurred, with the bar staff telling k5k that the bar had to close at 02:00 [i.e. the music was too loud and nasty and there weren't enough customers]. k5k of course told Zip to just keep playing, but eventually we wound it up, packed it up and went home. It was worth it, it was fantastic.