NIGHT OF THE LIVING WEIRD: hell fuckin rumble, the cortinas, disintering diana@ valve, wellington

Friday night found me in Wellington, drinking with Rorn, my sister Lenny and my father. And so we cruised to Valve, just in the nick of time to catch the first act, Disintering Diana. This band had been really hyped to me, so I was keen to hear them.

I was told to expect noise, with crazy tape loop samples. I went up front and danced, but I couldn't really get my groove on. Live kinda Industrial-Metal beats from Tyran on drums, and distorted guitar, with occasional screams from Ben was OK, but it really needed something else: and when some helpful soul turned the tape to a volume you could hear it in the mix, things sounded halfway good: pity this happened during the last song! All up, a good first performance marred by terrible mixing and stuff: I expect good things from these two in the future.

After this I had to pop out of the venue for a while to see Rorn (who'd flagged the gig), when I came back the Cortinas were playing. I was told they're from out of town, maybe Palmerston North. It was synth-rock-pop, kinda like the b-52s, so Lenny was well enjoying it. I found I did too, even though it isn't my bag. I found a dollar in my pocket and played some Bay Watch pinball.

Next up were Hell Fuckin Rumble, who it seems a lot of people are quite chuffed with these days. I can see why. Noisey garage rock-noise played by three girls is a good idea, and they do it well. Still, it was getting late, and I had to get going.

Me and Rorn and Lenny went clothing-binning on the way home though, only to find that they'd all just been emptied. And then to get pulled up by the cops, breath-tested (I passed) and randomly harrassed (have you ever heard of an officer wanting to test your headlights?) before being let go. Maybe I shoulda stayed and seen the last band...

jungle_vomit_kore: k5k, hakaider, audioslut, males kort @ K'Road Ballroom, Auckland; 19 April

Once again a lot of problems getting it there, but even though we started late it turned out to be just the right time to get the punters. A reviewer from Real Groove magazine turned up [and appearantly wrote a shonky and inaccurate review].

Hakaider was first. His last show in New Zealand for a long time, as he was leaving for Ireland on Sunday morning, and of course he pulled out a typically polished performance.

k5k was up next, the PA was fucked and didn't really do him justice. After that Hakaider played some of his Rayden stuff, which is more mellow and Drum'n'Bass-like, "to bring it back down after k5k's crazy shit".

And then finally it was my go. My sister Lenny Sparkles had come up from Wellington especially, which was great, because it meant someone bothered to dance [the punters having been largely scared away by k5k]. I played a set I was really happy with, but unfortunately at the end of the night it turned out that the mini-disc hadn't been recording!

Audioslut followed me, with a very long set, more than enough for me and Lenny to go to the park for a cigerette and come back and still do heaps of dancing. I was quite impressed by the stuff he was playing: the bass seemed just right [i.e. pounding] for the first time all night, but that may have been because I'd had a break outside...

After he left k5k and Hakaider spent a little while battling each other, but the bar was closing and all the punters were gone, so we packed up and went home. Still, it was a bigger success than the last event, and it'll only get better in the future.

get, set, go! girl rock fest: the liva queens, the carnys [and more] @ grey lynn community centre, auckland

Yay, another all-girl event in Auckland, and this time without even using the word "punk"... The usual suspects then, including those voted cool enough to come up from Wellington, my good friends the Liva Queens and the Carnys.

Lenny Sparkles, the ghetto fabulous vocalist for the Liva Queens arrived on Friday night. There was no sign of Little Dan, their drummer. We got a text message from k5k the next morning, confusingly, because the text was from Little Dan, saying something about how he'd slept on a wooden bench in the changing rooms of the swimming pools at Auckland Boys Grammar!! Further investigation found that this particular hobo had somehow sent the text to the wrong Lenny. We got it sorted out and he arrived here at about 12:00.

The gig was scheduled for 14:00, and we mucked around for quite a while, until it became more like 13:00, and we suddenly realised we should hurry up, because it was likely that the Liva Queens would have to play first, and they still had to get drunk first. They were both very nervous, thinking about throwing it all in... playing in Auckland hasn't gone very well for them in the past... the (lack of) crowd response gets them down...

So we cruised round the corner to the community centre, and parked in the carpark. We could see that there were a few people setting stuff up, and I went and asked them, and found that somehow they'd been upgraded to playing second, and this meant that they had a whole extra half hour to get drunk.

So the next step was to walk to the alcohol store, where we got two dozen beers and a bottle of whiskey. It was at about this point that I realised I was the sober driver and that it might just be a long day...

Anyway, by the time the Liva Queens were due to play, they'd both had a few drinks, and quite a large crowd had built up. The third member Lisa Lucifer [also in the Carnys] came out to find them and get them to soundcheck. The equipment was set up in a room that opened up onto a playground, which in turn opened onto the carpark. They'd put signs on the gate into the playground telling people to go around the front of the building: so that they could charge them $10. I wasn't gonna pay that just to see my sister play, and cruised through the gate with them, looking like I belonged. I was very nervous of incurring the wrath of these feminist punk-type girls.

They took a long time, as Little Dan had to drink a few more beers, and Lenny had to go have a smoke. I took a few photos, and encouraged Little Dan to warm up playing breakbeats and jazzbreaks: he'd been joking about sabotaging the performance with them. Cobra Killer was playing on the PA: the album is four years old, but somehow because they toured they're somehow a little popular here now.

Anyway, the time came. Lenny really hates that because they're always one of the first bands, noone will dance for them. It makes her nervous and think that noone likes them. I can't help but concur with her: it's pretty much a diss not to dance for a band. So I made an effort to dance [as I always do] like they were the most exciting thing since 9-11, and luckily some of her friends bothered too. None of the Auckland crowd though: they just stood there.

It was a good set, really quite tight, especially considering that they hadn't practised since they last played in Auckland several months before. And then we were out of there, and more drinks were had. Rorn had picked up some strange gothic guy who had a large tin filled with very nice stuff, and the party was really rolling.

Our friends from Wellington would drift over to us between the bands. Adam was excited to see Crystal and the Teenage Beauty Queens, which I gathered seemed to have the Sound Laydee drumming for them (???). By the time they all came back from that, Little Dan was vomiting in the bushes.

They took off to Vicious Irene as well, very excited, and from what I could hear from where I stood they might have been quite good: but really, who knows... Things were getting a little messy as everyone was becoming quite wasted, and suddenly I had this feeling that I should go inside. I met Tyron coming out, and he said that yes, the DJ I had seen setting up earlier was playing now, and he was playing Aphex Twin. This I was most interested in seeing, and, being unable to work out how to open the gate, I strode around to the front and boldly walked through the door right in front of the people collecting money.

He was playing Bomb20, as I'd somehow suspected he might, and I danced my mad style in the almost empty room, which drew strange looks from the few people who walked through. I was trainspotting, watching every record as he pulled out DJ Scud, Patric C, and Atari Teenage Riot on his very new and expensive looking decks. His records weren't very obscure, and his mixing was pretty atrocious [that is, one song stopped, there was a pause, and then the next one started], but he obviously had some sort of interest in Hardcore Electronic, because you can't exactly buy those records in the shops here. He would come out from behind the decks occasionally, drinking his cheap beer and listening to the sound: which, being a guitar-orientated PA, had no bass and did the tracks no justice.

At the conclusion of his set I was keen to talk to him, but Rorn intervened. But then he ended up coming and talking to the strange goth that Rorn had found, and so it was that I met Trevor, the gothic DJ. He was a little drunk, but I managed to explain to him that there was a small Hardcore scene here in Auckland, and it turned out that he'd heard of k5k, Anti-Kati, and A-Klass Rekidz, and was keen. I told him to send an e-mail if he wanted to meet up sometime...

Anyway, Little Dan was still very sick, and Rorn and Lenny were starting to look like I should get them home. Lenny was keen to stay and see the Carnys, who have now reached the stage where they command second-to-last position, but we decided that it really wasn't a good idea. We carried Little Dan into the van, and then cruised off home.

We dropped him off on a couch where he fell straight back asleep, and then went out to get some food. The evening was spent very quietly, and that was the end of that.

Shapeshifter @ QE II Square, Auckland

Natas was visiting A/K, and so I cruised downtown with him to catch Shapeshifter. He was well keen. We arrived just in time to catch the end of Greg Churchill's set. He's a very good House DJ, he really had the crowd jumping. Why not? The council had made it free again, as part of their ongoing Dancing in the Streets campaign.

We braved the cue in a conveniance store to get some water, and came out as the MC was introducing Shapeshifter. We moved into the crowd, waited a few songs and then moved a little deeper, and eventually found ourselves in a gap, centrestage, where we got down to dancing. I was looking around, at all the building surrounding the square, and I suddenly got really paranoid of snipers on the rooftops: I keep thinking at the oddest moments that it's suddenly gonna be the start of the New World Order. I also noticed that you can only see about 11 stars in the sky when you're downtown: that's just shitty.

Shapeshifter were very good, playing as a four-piece live Drum'n'Bass combo. A drummer, and three guys twiddling nobs and playing synths; one who occasionally played guitar, and one who spent most of the first half of the show playing saxophone.

They played well to the crowd (the figure we were given was 4500 people), dropping in lots of sax breaks. It was kinda pop and derivative, covering lots of different variations in jazzy Drum'n'Bass, but the crowd was lapping it up. And these guys were obviously skilled musicians, as they kept up their pace, building up at the end with an MC going bananas, lots of rave-synth breaks, and a fat bass sound. Of course I was thinking that I would have chosen to turn the nobs just a little bit further and make a noise, but these guys knew their audience and were aiming for a popular sound, so I can see why they didn't.

Appearantly the album is nothing on their live show, so maybe see them if they're in your town.

peaches, cobra killer, the pussies @ FU, Queen Street, Auckland

Both me and k5k saw posters for this a week or two in advance, but we'd both thought "Surely that can't be the Cobra Killer, from Germany, formerly on the legendary DHR label. Must just be some Hard-Trance DJ with the same name". Two days before we discussed the possibility of it being a coincidence, and so we checked the FU Bar website, and found that it WAS them.

So, on Thursday night, me and k5k and Edward Denton headed downtown. The tickets said 23:00, the bar's website said 22:30, so we were a little disappointed when we arrived to find that we'd have to wait until 23:30.

This meant sitting on Queen Street, luckily not too full of munters. Eventually we cruised back to the venue. We walked in, and were assaulted with a throng of people. They did not look like your typical FU Bar crowd: instead of ravers, there were a few Punks that I recognised (the anarcho-feminist ones), and a whole bunch of "alternative" types with their dreadlocks and funky clothes. The dead giveaway was that they were all at the bar being drunk rather than being on raver party drugs.

While k5k went to the bar to talk to people he knew, me and Herr Denton went down the back and found a seat on a large sub. k5k presently joined us, and we got to sit lamenting the DJs music choice and discussing the likelihood of anyone who is here actually having any idea who Cobra Killer (or Peaches for that matter) are, considering that there is no coverage or distribution of German hardcore style music in this country. There could obviously have been lots of people who were in the know, but considering how much it was promoted on student radio and the way that the crowd looked like students... Not that it really mattered, they were about to find out at any rate.

So anyway, first onstage were the Pussies, a local band that I'd never heard of. Either everyone was already really drunk, or a lot of them were friends of the Pussies, because the crowd went really wild. They were a four-piece all-girl band. A vocalist, synths/backing vocals, mellodica/backing vocals, and a drummer. Maybe there was more of them: they were kind of obscured by a pillar that was holding up the ceiling; maybe they had some other instuments too. All their songs consisted of synths that sounded like Type O Negative, and either the live drummer or a drum machine playing the same beat right throughout the song (when the drum machine was going the drummer just sat there playing a tambourine or looking bored). The mellodica was mostly too low in the mix to hear, and vocals weren't too hot either. Still, they sounded like a kind of gothic Lounge band, so it was pleasant enough to listen to.

The DJ was back after they finished; he seemed to only be playing female artists, so there was stuff like Missy Elliot, and other such riot girls. I watched as a lady in a trenchcoat and ridiculous stiletto heels set up some equipment on the stage [it was Gina].

And then after a while, it was time. Gina and Annika came out in matching trenchcoats, and they were both in really fucking big heels. Annika was holding a bottle of wine, which she was skulling from. They introduced themselves, with their really lovely accents. Their music was really fantastic: cut-up samples and beats combined with crazy 60s organ. They were playing a CD through a little mixer, and then singing over the top. The crowd was going really wild. They started pouring wine all over each other, and then throwing rice and ice into the crowd. The girls down the front were very excited, and so also was some strange long-haired guy, who seemed to be trying to grope them.

They were dancing around crazily in their heels on a now very wet and slippery stage, but somehow they managed to stay stable. They even jumped into the crowd, which really just got them groped by the girls and the boys. Personally I wouldn't have jumped into such a drunk crowd. It was madness, but it was really going off. At one point Annika kind of collapsed and rolled off the stage and under it, right in front of me and k5k. She lay there for a while, having a rest.

Finally, at the end of the show, they said "We have just one more song. Carl Crack is no longer with us anymore. He is dead", and I got kinda excited, because I figured they were gonna play an Atari Teenage Riot song as a tribute, but then they couldn't find the disc. A bit of an anti-climax.

They disappeared through the crowd. Me and k5k wanted to give them some CDs, seeing we are the local Digital Hardcore scene, and we figured that we would give it to them when they came back to clear up their equipment, but then someone else packed it up, and so we took off outside to see if we could find them.

They were not out on Queen Street, but I did take the opportunity to buy myself a cookie and eat it too. Then we headed back inside, and straight away bumped into Annika. We loaded her up with CDs, which she said her and Gina would listen to back at the hotel room. Gina was standing at the bar: I think that the long-haired gropey guy from down the front was buying her a drink. But she disappeared before we could talk to her.

Peaches was just starting up. She looked much more gothic than the promotional material had led us to believe (the bar's website said she only wore hot pink), dressed in black PVC and a dog collar and teased hair. We watched her for a few songs. Her voice was alright, and the music was Techno-ish. But for us, we had seen what we came to see, and so we went home.

rave it up 2002: animal intelligence, hydrau1ik, k5k, hakaider, dj males kort @ K'Road Ballroom, Auckland

This was finally it: the first official Hardcore gig in Auckland, being promoted by k5k and his A-Klass Rekidz. There were a lot of problems getting it there, but it was all right on the night!!

Hakaider just kept some discs spinning until the two Australian DJs (from Hardline Rekordingz, Perth) turned up, and then it was decided that I should be first. I played a messy [read: fantastic] set mainly consisting of my own Salsacore stuff. Somehow this coincided with pretty much everyone I knew who was going to be there being there, and they all clapped at some stage [I really hope I didn't hallucinate that].

Anyway, Hakaider went on after my set, and I went and sat outside in this little foyer between the gig and the poolhall where they had all these couches, and chatted to Dymo and Funboy. Presently this roaming anarchist who I'd invited because he was in town showed up, and so me and Danyl ended up having a long chat.

I extracted myself to go and have a dance every once in a while. Seeing as I had the dance floor pretty much to myself it was fantastic. It's great to jump around madly to this insane broken beat hardcore. k5k was going off on the decks with his new dubplates he'd had made for this very purpose.

And then one of the Australian DJs was on. Animal Intelligence was almost a let down after all the breaking beats that had been going on. He was playing straight-up Hardcore Techno, which I just find harder to dance to. And there wasn't enough bass!! But he was very good. Still, after an extended Hip-Hop breakdown, followed by the song "Don't want no short-dicked man", me and Danyl took off across the road, to get a snack, and ended up sitting outside Departure Lounge playing chess and listening to House music.

Eventually I came back, but Danyl had had enough. Hydrau1ik was playing, and I liked his set a bit better. Eventually it was over, and the Australians packed up and left. There was only a little while until the bar closed at 03:00, so k5k played it out, and then we packed it up and went home.

Megadeth, just one fix @ Saint James Theatre, Auckland

Thursday rolled around, and it was another glorious sunny day. I spent a little bit of it listening to my Megadeth records, but mainly I was busy. Around about 18:30 I started to get ready. I chose blue jeans, a Harley Davidson t-shirt that my sister gave me, and my blue denim jacket with the cut-off sleeves and the Anthrax and Celtic Frost patches. It was a perfect Metal outfit: if I was in the 80s. I got Rorn to spike up my bi-hawk and spray it with that evil hair-spray shit.

Eventually it was getting close to being time to leave, and so Rorn decided that I should take her to k5k's for the night. This was all fine, and so I took her there. With the benefit of hindsight I should have stayed there longer, but instead I hurried away, because the doors opened at 19:30.

I drove into town and parked by the university, then walked down to the Saint James. Outside were crowds of bogans, more than I'd seen anywhere for a very long time. I wasted no time entering, and found that it was full of bogans inside as well, most of them standing by the bar.

I'd never been in the St James before, but I found that it was really really beautiful: a grand old theatre. I found myself a spot on the sloping floor; leaning on a pillar that was holding up the balcony. It turned out that I was in for a long wait: a lesson to myself for turning up on time. I amused myself by looking around at all the amusing bogans. It was good, but standing on the spot was killing me. Looking back now, I kinda wish I'd had money for beer. Actually, I was probably thinking that as I stood there.

It was about 20:30 before the support band came on. I couldn't quite believe it: it had seemed like the longest wait ever. I'd never heard of this band, but that's not surprising: in this country support bands often seem to come from complete obscurity to manage to get a spot supporting international acts: it really makes you wonder who knows who.

Anyway, this band were called Just One Fix, and I'm guessing from their sound that they were raised on early 90s Metal, such as the Ministry album «Psalm 69» that contains the song they're most probably named after, Pantera's «Vulgar Display of Power», Megedeth's «Countdown to Extinction» and Metallica's black album. They were quite great: it's not often these days that you hear a band with such an old-school sound. They were also really excited to be there supporting Megadeth, and mentioned that often, which made the crowd roar. They also got the crowd to roar by singing songs about smoking dope. And they got a sizeable mosh-pit going down the front. All in all I think they did very well for themselves.

They played until maybe 21:10, and then we had to wait a while longer, until at about 21:30, when Megadeth hit the stage!!! I was very excited: this was the first time I'd ever seen a band that I actually liked and knew the songs of. And Dave Mustaine's hair was just as luxurious and shiny in real life as it looks in the photos!!!

Everyone rushed forward, and I started to make my way forward too. I came across an all too familiar dilemma: my passage to the mosh-pit was blocked by a whole lot of very large people who had no intention of moshing, and no intention of moving. I wasn't in too much of a hurry: they started with first one, and then another new song.

But by the third song, they were launching into «Wake Up Dead», and I was starting to get the impression that I should have used my waiting time to check the venue out, because I was getting the impression that where I was trying to wade to the front, there was actually a railing, and the mosh-pit was actually on a lower level. When I'd worked all this out, «In My Darkest Hour» was over, and I found it remarkably quick and easy to move to the side of the theatre and down the ramp to the mosh-pit during some new song with the drum solo tacked on the end of it: I even found it quite easy to work my way into it.

I found myself next to a guy who seemed to have a really crazy girlfriend: she would run out from his arms and wildly smash into someone, arms flailing madly, then he'd drag her back, in an endless flowing cycle. Maybe she was just really excited. The mosh pit was great: I just can't seem to enjoy guitar music without the contact with other people. I arrived in time for «Devil's Island», and couldn't quite believe my luck. I was having the time of my life.

They followed this with «Moto Psycho», and then Dave stopped to talk about how he "always gets himself in trouble" - with his mouth it turns out, as he launched into the anti-censorship song «Hook in Mouth».

This was followed by «Angry Again» off the «Last Action Hero» soundtrack, and then a blistering version of «Hanger 18». This was dynamite stuff to mosh to. He stopped again to tell us a story about how he'd been in Australia, and a taxi driver who was driving them to dinner had said "G'day" when it was night time and how stupid the taxi-driver was, and I wondered if he'd been advised to do this by someone who knew about the Australian-New Zealand rivalry that everyone buys into in this part of the world.

Anyway, all his talking led into «Sweating Bullets». At this stage there were these two guys in front of me, both in blue jeans and white t-shirts, and with long blond hair. I heard one say to the other one something about how some faggot had been pinching his arse. I found it really amusing, because I could see how they'd look like girls from behind. [Although I find it really fucked that people grope women in mosh pits].

Not too long after that, one of those big drunk guys came along. Maybe you know the ones: they put their arm around your neck, and then drag you on their quest to be a human battering ram. Anyway, I could take it, I've seen worse at Punk gigs, and I even managed to somehow disentangle myself from him and get away with just being a point on his manic crash-course. Anyway, he started smashing into the back of those two blond boys. I watched with fascination as they got progressively angrier, and then, they were turning and telling him to fuck off. AND then, as he continued, they started a fight. One of them jumped on his back while the other one started swinging punches at him. All this was happening right in front of me, and I couldn't believe it!! It was so bogan.

The fight only lasted about 10 seconds, if that, before, out of nowhere, a couple of bouncers jumped in and broke it up and took them away. I don't know how those bouncers move through the crowd so fast. It was quite amazing. Straight after that, they stopped playing again, and Dave wanted us to be silent, or he wasn't going to play the next song. I had a feeling he was going to play something very old, probably «Mechanix». Everyone else knew the same. Dave continued "Melbourne last night couldn't keep quiet. I want you to keep very quiet so you can hear what I'm gonna play. If someone next to you makes some noise, I want you to punch them in the head". I found this kinda offensive really, but also kinda funny considering the fight I'd witnessed just a minute before.

Anyway, he played the riff, and we all went wild. It was all very exciting and very Metal. I couldn't help but feel like those guys lost out, because it was «Mechanix», and it was followed up by «The Conjuring». Although by the end of that song the two guys in white were back: I guess maybe they convinced the bouncers that it was the other guy's fault.

Next Dave pulled out a twin-neck V and proceeded to play a very terrible slow acoustic song which I believe is called «Trust». He used this down time to introduce everyone to the band as well. I was quite surprised that it wasn't still Nick Menza on drums and Marty Friedman on guitar: their replacements looked pretty identical to me!

The show had been going for quite a while, but they still had some stuff in reserve, and the crowd knew it. They played «Symphony of Destruction», and then launched into «Peace Sells», which they stopped half way through to launch into a storming version of «Tornado of Souls», a really surprising choice. They then came back to «Peace Sells», and proceeded to have one of those rather cliché one-half-of-the-audience-versus-the-other-half-and-lets-see-who-can-be-the-loudest sing-a-longs. It was so Metal!!

Dave was really friendly and apologetic for not having been to New Zealand for such a long time [I think it's something like 10 years], and then they left the stage. But we knew they were coming back, because they hadn't played «Holy Wars» yet. They waited about five minutes before they came out and played it. And then it was over, in a shower of guitar picks into the audience. The house lights came on, and it was time to drag my sweaty carcass up the hill to my van, and go and pick up Rorn.

It was a great night out. They all spent a lot of time right down the front of the stage, playing their solos just a couple of feet away from the crowd, and played heaps of their old hits. But it still wasn't enough to ever convince me to see those anti-Napster bastards Metallica when they come.